The Plunge Read online

  “You like it?” she asked.

  He smiled to indicate his approval.

  “Pay for your gift.” She handed him the bill with an impish smile.

  Siddharth noticed how easily her mood changed. One moment she was irritable and the next absolutely cheerful. Erratic, just like the hill weather.

  Anjali was very sensible most of the time. But her mood swings and mercurial temper often bothered him. She would get annoyed at unexpected moments and over insignificant issues. She also said hurtful things when she felt emotionally raided. She behaved strangely after weeping, which as a rule followed an outburst of bad temper.

  “Thank you, Siddh,” she said after he paid for the earrings. “Shall we have coffee?”

  When he saw her pleading look, he couldn’t refuse.

  The coffee house was crowded as usual. Some men turned around to look at her. Siddharth immediately regretted having agreed to the idea. Though Shimla was not a place he might encounter many known faces, there was still a remote chance. He had spent some years in the hills, first in school and then in work. Besides, people visited the hills from nearby cities during short breaks. People from Delhi, Punjab, and other parts of Himachal came here for work, meetings or conferences. Those were the pretexts he made to visit Anjali.

  “Shall we order a sandwich, but only if you will share it?” she asked after they had found a quiet corner. He smiled in agreement and looked around to make sure there were no known faces in the room.

  The coffee and vegetable sandwich arrived. He watched her sip the coffee, enjoying the aroma, which made him pick up his cup.

  “Hi! Siddh! What a surprise!”

  Siddharth looked up at Avtar, his neighbour, struggling to calm his pounding heart.

  “Hi!” he responded, forcing a smile on his face.

  Why was this fool here? He felt flustered.

  Staring at Anjali, Avtar asked, “How come you’re here?”

  “Mm…oh… it’s a meeting, interview actually.” Why the hell was he stammering?

  Avtar had fixed his eyes on Anjali, leaving him no choice but to introduce her.

  “Anjali, a former colleague. A chance meeting here,” he mumbled. “Avtar Khanna, a friend.” Siddharth reluctantly introduced his snoopy neighbour to her.

  The Avtars came over uninvited most weekends. Chandni did not particularly enjoy the company of his wife, Neetu, who she said was vain. However, she seemed to like Avtar and his kind of humour. She would laugh out loud whenever he cracked some silly joke, which irked Siddharth.

  Siddharth heaved a sigh of relief as he hurried out of the coffee house, waving goodbye to Avtar, who continued to stare at them.

  As if taking the hint, Anjali followed him with the same haste.

  “Is he trouble?” she asked gingerly as they walked down the slope along the Tibetan Market.

  “Hope not. He stays next door. A compulsive gossiper,” he briefed her on the rudiments, still tense.

  Once inside their hotel room, she wore the new earrings.

  “Do they look good?”

  “Nice, but aren’t they too big for your little face?”

  She looked at him faking anger, and then smiled.

  “I’m not going to wear these out. They are for my precious collection. Very pretty, I think.”

  She removed the earrings and carefully repacked them.

  “Why don’t you give me a real present, say, a baby?” she asked with a wicked smile.

  “Are you crazy?” He almost yelled.

  She rolled on the bed, bursting into her infectious belly laugh. But he could not laugh. He stared at her, unable to believe that she could suggest something like that, even as a joke.

  Anjali pressed her lips together as if to hold up her giggles even as she hugged him. It did not calm him. While he sat on the bed, all flustered and breathless, she kissed him again, his face cradled in her palms. He struggled to steady his trembling limbs.

  “I was kidding, Siddh, honest,” she sounded convincing.

  “You look totally spooked,” she said, laughing away, yet again.

  “Sorry,” she said, covering her mouth. Tears welled up as she rolled over and laughed some more, like a young bully.

  “It’s not funny, OK? Please, don’t crack such stupid jokes,” Siddharth said, stressing each word.

  It was a scary thought. He should be careful. It would be disastrous if anything went amiss. The consequences of such an event made their intimacy a huge risk. He had never thought along those lines until that moment.

  “Siddh, you are so self-obsessed. You don’t realise such a situation would affect me more than you. I would have to face the world, not you. You would be nowhere in the picture, unless I chose to reveal it. It’s me who would be called an unwed mother, a slut, perhaps. Do you think I am stupid enough to bring that on myself? It was just a joke, Siddh.”

  Her assurances won him over.

  “So why don’t we see what our junior has to say?” She moved her hand towards his groin.

  He stopped her halfway, forced her down on the bed, and kissed her on the lips. She made it difficult with her giggles.

  “You are impossible,” he said.

  Lying away from her clasp that night, Siddharth felt a growing tenderness for Anjali. He was aware of her adoration for him. He, too, felt a strange connection with her.

  But did they have a future together? He did not want to dwell on that thought for long.

  By the time she woke up the next morning, he was ready and packed.

  “Good morning, ma’am. Get ready fast. Remember, I need to reach Delhi before tomorrow evening. My pretty little things will be desperate for me in the office.” He was trying to provoke jealousy in her, but failed.

  “We only have till the afternoon,” he reminded her.

  “Oh no…” she whined. “I’m tired.”

  They walked back to the Ridge after breakfast and sat watching the crowd.

  The crowd usually grew thick at the Ridge at dusk. Tourists, mostly couples and families, hovered near the railing to admire the view.

  “You should not mix with that Ajay much,” Siddharth finally said, holding her hand as he studied the numerous lines that ran through her palm.

  “I don’t. Anyway, I will avoid him. OK?” She squeezed his arm, which brought a smile to his face.

  “I’m just alerting you. Men probe, and try to take advantage of unattached women,” he said, his voice breaking.

  A palm reader would find it difficult to read her palm with so many lines running all over, he thought. Or would it be easier with all the lines in place?

  “Too many!” he said, with raised brows, smiling.

  “I guess I was very tense in my mother’s womb. I used to clasp my fist whenever I felt scared during school days, especially at night.”

  He was not listening to her at that moment. Would Avtar create trouble for him at home?

  “Concentrate on your work. Socialising can wait,” he told her as he left Shimla.

  .

  18

  CHAPTER

  Mirror Image

  She would avoid Ajay, Anjali decided that night.

  Siddharth was jealous. Strangely, she felt happy about it. Finally, he was feeling insecure about her. That was a good sign. Jealousy came only with love.

  However, she could not refuse the next day when Ajay suggested she go with him to meet some old women for his research.

  There were places like the Kufri ski slopes and the Sankat Mochan temple she would want to visit only with a reliable person. Siddharth was not keen on going too far from the city.

  He was a dependable guy. A sociology graduate from Delhi University, he was the only child of his parents, both professors. Ajay was among the few well-behaved men she had met so far in life. She felt safe with him.

  “You were not here yesterday?” he asked.

  Leaning against the pillar of the porch of her cottage, Anjali looked away, at the far end of the
campus, which appeared abandoned that morning.

  Ajay sat on the lone chair she had in her cottage and flipped through the newspaper that he had brought along.

  “A friend had come from Delhi. We were out shopping in Mall Road,” she said, stifling her excitement.

  “Seems like a close friend,” he said with a smile.

  “Oh yes,” she made a futile attempt to hide her blush.

  “Your fiancée?”

  “Oh no. He’s just a very dear friend, a little more than that actually.”

  “Single?”

  “No. He’s married. He has two sons.” she tried to sound unaffected, but her voice gave away her distress.

  Ajay did not say anything, though she could trace a grimace on his face before he turned away to look through the woods.

  She locked the door and joined him in the walk to the institute.

  “May I ask you something, if you don’t mind?” he asked hesitantly.

  She heaved a sigh and nodded. She felt vulnerable. Anjali walked a step ahead of Ajay, so as to escape his gaze.

  “This friend of yours, what does he do? Is he into publishing?” he asked.

  He was now walking with her, not behind her.

  “Leave it, Ajay. Why does that matter? He’s a close friend. That’s all I would want to say.”

  Ajay took a step back. “It’s OK. You don’t have to tell me the details. I only hope you won’t get hurt by this relationship. You seem to be emotionally bound to him.”

  She sighed. “I am. I can relate to this world better with him by my side. I feel complete with him in my life. I need him, Ajay. I love him.”

  He blinked several times. “It is OK, Anjali. It’s OK to love someone the way you do, unconditionally, and without expectations. You need a lot of guts to do something like that,” he paused as if to give her time to grasp the gist of his message.

  “But from your reaction, I suspect you depend on him a little too much. Maybe you find him easy to connect with. But the question is: Will he be your companion for life?”

  She stared out at the grey hills that stood unmoving beyond the woods.

  “Fine,” he said. “You are clearly serious about him, and quite sentimental too. What about him? There is nothing lacking in his life. Why then, is he with you?”

  Was he scolding her? She sensed Ajay was upset and was not trying to hide it. He stopped briefly as her face turned red with emotion.

  “Men don’t take such relationships seriously. They don’t get emotionally involved. Please take care,” he said softly. “Get married to someone dependable. That’s not him. He is taken. Don’t you see it, Anjali?”

  Anjali veered from confusion to sudden anger. Why was he trying to disturb her peace? Who was he, her guardian or relationship counsellor? She had not asked him for advice.

  She was angry with herself for disclosing her secret to him, at least part of it.

  She would not discuss Siddharth with Ajay ever again.

  Anjali could not sleep that night. Ajay’s words echoed forewarnings from the past. Priya and Swapna had tried much, and failed. Now it was Ajay.

  What did Ajay think of her? Did he think she was unable to find a husband? Was she so hopeless that nobody would propose to her? But Rasheed had, years back.

  Siddharth was surely different. Besides, he was the only man with whom she ever felt like making love. He had never suggested a physical relationship. It just happened. Never mind that the first time was accidental.

  She loved Siddharth’s touch, his voice, the scent of his sweat, everything about him. Siddharth was her man, she was convinced of that from the beginning. Why else would nature conspire to their union?

  Was it The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho, speaking through her? When you want something, the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. When you are loved, there is no need to understand what is happening, because everything happens within you.

  She desired a close relationship with Siddharth, and she had it. She might have inadvertently made it happen by imagining that their mutual attraction was part of a divine plan. After their first intimacy in the Mumbai hotel, it was her desperation that led to this arrangement, she was aware.

  He had made it clear right from the start that their relationship had no other future. It was simply not possible for him to leave Chandni and the kids. They were his family, while she was his love. Both were separate and equally precious to him, he had said.

  “I wish you could meet her. Chandni is a beautiful person. You would love her,” he had said once.

  Could all her well-wishers be wrong?

  Or had she gone wrong somewhere?

  Was it just an extramarital affair? Was it just a fling for Siddharth? Was she a mistress?

  The more she thought along those lines, the heavier her heart felt.

  She missed Swapna. But it was too late to call her? Maybe they could meet. But was a meeting going to change anything now?

  Why heed a different opinion now? Nothing would change about her life at this stage. She had done the unthinkable already. Even if she were totally wrong in this relationship, she could not undo the damage done.

  .

  19

  CHAPTER

  The Moment

  Anjali was happy when they set out for the Jhakoo temple that morning.

  She had planned that weekend so excitedly. It was mid-August, five months in the hills.

  It was raining regularly, evoking desire in lovers.

  The Jhakoo temple was Anjali’s favourite among the many temples in Shimla. She was in a dreamlike state as they walked holding hands through the shady path up the hill from the Ridge. The steps that cut through the deodar woods gave the scene a painting-like appeal.

  The path was deserted except for the few tourists who had chosen to walk up to the temple rather than hire a taxi or ride a horse. The rhesus monkeys that played pranks on tourists added excitement to the hike.

  The brown primates had red, expressive faces and fur that looked like close-cropped hair on their heads. The noisy animals were super agile and swung across branches with pride.

  The troops near the temple were smarter. While the Ridge gang snatched food from tourists, these were virtual blackmailers.

  The warning sign ‘Beware of Monkeys’ reminded her of her first visit to the place, when a monkey had snatched a young man’s eyeglasses. The tourist realised what had happened only after the monkey sat on a nearby railing, holding out the glasses and teasing him. The moment the man put out his hand, the monkey would draw them back.

  A resident in the area had suggested that he offer some bananas in exchange for the glasses. And it worked. As soon as the man had placed the bananas on a nearby bench, the monkey snatched them, left the glasses on the bench, and disappeared among the trees.

  Today the monkeys were busy, as usual, swinging between trees and leaping off railings.

  Siddharth’s mobile rang as they climbed the last flight of steps leading to the temple.

  “Hi Sunaina!” He sounded excited. He walked away to a distant corner of the temple compound and spoke in a low voice. Anjali waited for him close to the temple doorway and watched his animated talk, feeling a little irritated about his gusto.

  He talked for almost ten minutes and walked up to her, visibly thrilled. The woman had to be someone very close, she knew, and felt uneasy.

  “Who was it?” she asked even before he had reached her side.

  “Sunaina. We used to work together at The Metropolis many years back. She then got married to a doctor in the UK. They’ve come back to settle down in Delhi.”

  Siddharth looked up.

  Anjali felt like her face was on fire. She struggled to stop her chin from trembling.

  He stared at her, his mouth open, as if he was stumped by her reaction.

  She shifted her gaze from his face to a distant point, struggling to snuff out her sighs.

  “Anjali, what makes you so upset? She is an ex-colleag
ue yaar, just like you,” he said.

  “Just like me? You shared a similar relationship with her?” Her voice choked with rage.

  “No, no.” He protested.

  “She seems keen to rebuild old ties,” she said, willing her pounding heart to calm down, but her raised voice and piercing look betrayed her irritation.

  “She’s a very cheerful person. Maybe I should bring her along during my next trip to Shimla. You will love her; a charming lady.”

  “It appears so. But please don’t use me as an excuse to smuggle her in.” Anjali felt another fire rise from her stomach. She regretted saying it almost immediately.

  “Anjali, please don’t start imagining things,” he yelled.

  She turned to face him, stunned, and stared at his face. That seemed to have calmed him. He squeezed her shoulder.

  “She’s a dear friend. That’s all. You must not say such nasty things. Please. I don’t expect this kind of cheap talk from you. I thought you were mature.”

  Anjali felt miserable. He had for the first time raised his voice, expressed disgust at her thoughts. Was Sunaina one of his old flames? She was almost convinced this woman was more than a dear friend to him.

  A strange thought entered her mind that moment. What if she jumped off the hill that moment? Would she die or just get hurt? How nice it would be if she could push him off the hill first and bring her misery to an end instantly.

  But why was she thinking such terrible thoughts?

  Was she overreacting?

  They were at the door of the temple. But she could not pray.

  “Let’s go back,” she said, wiping tears off her face.

  She had never felt threatened by Chandni. His wife had been in his life already, long before her, and had a right to be there. But this was different.

  “Let’s go. Drop me off at the institute. I am not feeling well,” she said.

  “OK, if you say so. I’ll also return this evening. Why spoil our weekend? You are in a bad mood. We’ll meet when you are reasonably calm.”

  Was he waiting for such a suggestion from her? Clearly, he was eager to be back in Delhi. Was he eager to meet his old crush? Was she unwittingly pushing him towards her? Her heart raced in excitement. “You are eager to meet her?” She spat out her anxiety.